Love Your Enemies by Arthur Brooks

 

Sometimes, quite often actually, I read for amusement, and at other times, I read with the hope of learning something that will help me to be more informed or to help me navigate life in the 21st century. When I read a book from the latter category, I occasionally come away thinking: This ought to be Required Reading for Everyone.  And this is that kind of book. Honestly, my recommendation would be that Everyone not only read this, but read it Often.

The concept of loving your enemies is always a tricky one - good in theory, and annoyingly off-putting in actual practice. Brooks has a convincing way of showing that it is worth making the effort. His stance is that improving our attitudes and our relationships is essential for our health and happiness both individually and collectively.

Some of the ideas that Brooks discusses are:

Saying no to contempt.

Moving out of your bubble.

Disagreeing better.

He advises turning away from rhetoric and diatribe that does not elevate or inform your reasoning.

And maybe most importantly, he addresses a thing that nearly all of us have done which is weaponizing our values, i.e. using our values to insult or put someone else down. He points out that doing so causes us to lose the moral content of those values. Values are a gift, and it is impossible for others to see your gift if you are using it in a combat strategy.

Arthur Brooks is a thoughtful thinker and writer, and most of us could always use more of that in our lives.

Consolations: The Solace, Nourishment, and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words by David Whyte

It would be hard to describe how much I love this book. More than that, I have been listening to David Whyte read it aloud and give background comments on it (on the Waking Up app). His voice is worth the price of the app. If he read aloud a set of IKEA directions, I would be willing to give it a listen. 

The title might make one think that the content is only for those in need of consoling, but there is not a single topic contained in the volume that doesn't apply to 100% of the human race. The subtitle is actually a clearer description of the content. I believe that Whyte could execute a meaningful treatise on any word in any language. He is not afraid to turn assumptions upside down and make us think about ordinary topics with totally new perspectives. Speaking for myself, I like his perspectives better than my own. For instance, he says about Anger: "Anger is the deepest form of care..." He goes on to explain this paradoxical thought in ways that make your brain come alive with new connections.

David Whyte is a poet, and this is a book of prose. It is possibly the most poetic prose ever written. Each essay is short. Each essay can be read again and again because there is more depth in each one of these essays than in many lengthy books.

This is the age of YouTube, and if you want to sample a bit of his humor and wisdom, that is as good a place as any to start. His TED talk is particularly good. Warning: You will want to buy the book.

Forging Ahead

I'm not sure why these two books seem like natural partners to me, but they were both published in early 2022, and they both address some essential questions of identity. Most of us do not get very far through life without having to reinvent ourselves at least a bit. And sometimes, there are circumstances that require a wholesale makeover whether we like it or not. Both of these authors tackle some Big Questions surrounding growth and development in adult life.

Susan Cain has written a well-researched book explaining things like why sad music makes us feel better, why some of us like rainy days, and why withdrawal and introspection are necessary parts of thriving and growing. Most people recognize intuitively that sad movies and tragic stories play an important part in our lives. Her work validates and expands on our intuition. 

Both Eastern and Western traditions teach us that joy and sorrow are intertwined. Cain makes some inroads in helping us understand how that relationship works. 

Arthur Brooks also draws on both Eastern and Western philosophy to explain some of our most crucial stumbling blocks to satisfaction and contentment. Brooks’ analysis illuminates why strategies that work in one phase of our life do not necessarily serve us well as time goes by. The success that we enjoy during our career days is not "bankable." There are some skills that are needed during the last half of our lives that we may have neglected to hone during the heyday of climbing the career ladder.

Oprah Winfrey interviewed Brooks on her Super Soul Conversations podcast, and Brene Brown did a two-part interview with Susan Cain on her podcast, Unlocking Us. The interviews are a great way to learn more about the books and the authors. 

These are two authors who address tough subjects and give us hope and encouragement. As we come to the end of our pandemic life, those are good avenues on which to be traveling.

Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman

Although I personally love this book, I would not recommend it for people who do not like their reality served without sweetener. This is an author who takes a position that truth is going to save you some time in the long run. Additionally, the long run isn't all that long.

A healthy, lucky human residing in a safe locale can expect to live about 80 years or approximately 4000 weeks. A few folks get more, and a few get less. The shocking business is in following Burkeman's logic and doing the simple calculation that tells you how many of your 4000 weeks you have already spent.

We have many linguistic and a few emotional tricks that prevent us from facing how fleeting our time really is. One of these tricks is referring to people in their fifties and sixties as "middle aged." It may seem like the charitable thing to say, but it skews our calculators pretty substantially. Burkeman thinks that if you don't turn away from the facts, you will end up making more sensible choices, and consequently will enjoy and appreciate your life a little more.

He points out some things that most of us conveniently ignore, such as: We are not going to be able to read all the books we would like to read; we are not going to be able to travel to all the places we would like to see, and we are not going to accomplish everything that we have dreamed of doing. These hard facts should inform the choices we make about how we spend our energy and our days and weeks.

This is a brilliant book. I think bluntness sometimes saves time and energy and brings peace of mind a little more reliably than myths like: If we plan and organize well, we can do absolutely everything we want to do. Burkeman points out that there is such a thing as being too efficient, and didn't we really suspect that?

And one more thing: it's a short book. You won't spend several of your precious weeks getting through it!

Philosophy

Composing A Life and Peripheral Visions by Mary Catherine Bateson
This author is the daughter of Margaret Mead and Gregory Bateson who were both famous anthropologists. In this unusual case, the wife was more famous that the husband, and their one child is a creative and thoughtful a writer.

Gifts from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh
One of the many interesting things about this book is that it was written while the author took a five-week vacation on an island. She needed and was able to get a break from the demands of family life and her five children. The idea of a vacation for any mother of young children is almost too spectacular to contemplate. She certainly made good use of her time; it's a priceless book.

Peace is Every Step and Being Peace by Thich Nhat Hanh
This fascinating Vietnamese monk has written over 70 books. He travels and lectures around the world, and has endeared himself to millions. Everything he writes has the same comforting, sensible quality.

The Soul's Code by James Hillman
Hillman is a very famous psychologist; he is quoted in nearly every book on philosophical or psychology topics. He is considered brilliant by many. This particular book presents an especially unique way of looking at human personality.